Chez Dan's Cafe

Yupies, I have a love/hate relationship with them. I love the fact that a whole class of americans can be so f###ing stupid and yet still make a s###load of money. I hate every thing else about them, especially the fact that they can be so f###ing stupid and still make a s###load of money. I mention this because life at the Coffee house has been pits for the last month or so. I am sick of lattes, dogs, 1.1 kids, Armani suits, Land Rovers, suger free almond syrup, and a whole host of other yupie stuff. However sometimes a person (or yupie, I am not too sure that they qualify as human beings) will come into the coffee house and ask to most inane question, and if only they were not a customer you would repeat what they said and then ask "Who says dumb S### like that?". I will share some of these pearls of wisdom with you,

*Can you guys make Lattes?

*Customer: What do you call the large size? Us: Large.

*Customer: Which size is the medium? Us: The one in between the small and the Large.

*Well my drink is so complicated because I'm from Seattle.

*Customer: What kind of lattes do you make? Us: ...um...what do you mean? Regular ones I guess.

*I want a drink that doesn't taste like coffee.

*Customer: Can I get a grande? Us: What size is that? Customer: Uh ... like a medium. Us: So you want a medium skim milk latte? Customer: Yes ... thats what I said; medium, grande ,skim milk, non-fat, skinny, vanilla latte. Us: So you also want vanilla? Customer: Have you been listining?

*Customer: My drink is really uncommon and hard to make. Its a mocha without whip cream.

*Customer: I don't get Foam on my drink. Barista: Ok, but I didn't know that because you didn't tell me that. Customer: Don't get snotty with me.

*Us: Good morning ... good morning ... good morning? Customer: Uh, ventii latte.

*Customer (on cell phone): Blah, blah, blah. Us (standing waiting like idiots, while a line behind the hell bitch builds up. After a while we ask the person behind her what he/she would like.)The Hell bitch on the cell phone : I was next.

*Can I get a Chia?

*Customer: Do you guys have wireless? Us: Not yet. Customer: But I have my laptop. Us: OK, but we still don't have wireless.

*I'm really late for work, so can you make my drink fast?

*Customer: Do you have change for a hundred? Us: well, its five in the morning and your the first customer.